It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It's blow job season.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
