hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize