hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
