Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
