I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
