Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
