Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
