Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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