A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
