My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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