the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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