Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
