don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
