no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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