operation have a gay friend backfired
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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