I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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