You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize