The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i love accidental penises.
this boner is exhausting
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
