Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
