The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
