i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
