with your own penis?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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