Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
