Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
