Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
