i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize