broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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