you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
As shirtless as possible
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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