So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
