Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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