I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
