Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
