Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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