im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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