My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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