I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
