Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
