I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
