At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
