My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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