i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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