He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
