you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
