Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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