You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
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