perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize