He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize