did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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