So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
