Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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