I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
