is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
