SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
