i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
