What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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