the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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