My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
