oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
even my farts smell like vagina
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
