I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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