True but thats because hes a fetus.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
