But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
