that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
