I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
