I accidentally had phone sex last night
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
