I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
