used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
