don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
