My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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