I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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