Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
