Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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