Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
