drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
