oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
When did angry sex become our thing?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
