Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
kristin has been a bad kristin
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
