The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize