Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
