i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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