I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
