Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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