Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just cropdusted the office
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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