i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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