Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
