I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
