It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Text me some of your sweat
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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