im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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