Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
