Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
