Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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