I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
