I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
