Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
