there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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