I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
This is my gift to your gina
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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