Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
