Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize