Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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