Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
