Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
