just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
