Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I see more hoeing in ur future
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