Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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