wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
