I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
