The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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