Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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