I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
