I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
