broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
