Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
