I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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