forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
